I know this phenomenon that wild animals join us. We call them in German "Kulturfolger" (animals that survive in areas developed by man). This adjective "nonchalantly" sounds very rhytmically and beautiful but nevertheless I've got a problem. It seems me to overload the text. Very spontaneous I would repeat the adjective of the first line and eliminate "nonchalantly" to get a different expression:
broad daylight a fox walks past the broad door
Well, I don't know wether my English is adequate to send my message. I always have to strain in finding the right words.
I'm a little (just a little) bothered by "nonchalantly," too. But I tend to be suspicious of modifiers, although, of course, I use them now and then. I think Rudi's suggestion works, or you might look for another verb that implies nonchalance. Strolls? Saunters?
Hi Frank, You visited me a few days ago. I came by, browsed and have just had the opportunity to spend some time here. I love your work. I'm not a writer but I love the words you've written here just as they are. I live on five acres of land and share it generously with the wildlife that wanders through. I have to say from experience in watching them (deer,turkey)that they do indeed nonchalantly walk by unconcerned about their surroundings. Anyway, I smiled as soon as I read it.
Many thanks to everyone for your kind comments and suggestions - they are much appreciated. Carletta, it sounds as though you live in a beautiful place. The fox/s that I have written about are suburban as I live in the middle of a town. It seems to me of late that foxes are becoming much bolder; and indeed they will just stand their ground and stare back in curiosity at a human.
Hello Frank, Thank you for stopping by my blog and for your kind comment. I always need feedback to gauge how I am doing!
I love this poem of yours. Those little guys do get bold don't they? About two years ago a fox come up to our sliding glass door and took a good long curious look inside before trotting off. Something I won't soon forget! Your poem reminded me of that moment. Thanks!
13 comments:
Really? What an incredible sight.
Little gutsy fox, I like it ;)
The rhythmn of line two makes me swing as well! Cool fox, nice haiku.
Best wishes
Ralf
"nonchalantly" -- i love to see animals in their casual mood! :)
wishes,
devika
Dear Frank,
I know this phenomenon that wild animals join us. We call them in German "Kulturfolger" (animals that survive in areas developed by man).
This adjective "nonchalantly" sounds very rhytmically and beautiful but nevertheless I've got a problem. It seems me to overload the text.
Very spontaneous I would repeat the adjective of the first line and eliminate "nonchalantly" to get a different expression:
broad daylight
a fox walks
past the broad door
Well, I don't know wether my English is adequate to send my message. I always have to strain in finding the right words.
All the best
Rudi
Dear Rudi
Thanks for your observations, which I will think about...
All the best, Frank...
I'm a little (just a little) bothered by "nonchalantly," too. But I tend to be suspicious of modifiers, although, of course, I use them now and then. I think Rudi's suggestion works, or you might look for another verb that implies nonchalance. Strolls? Saunters?
I like the fact a fox saunters past the door yet am saddened people have taken over his territory. Good one Frank.
No matter how one views this... a lot of questions arise. I like things that make me think. _m
Hi Frank,
You visited me a few days ago. I came by, browsed and have just had the opportunity to spend some time here.
I love your work.
I'm not a writer but I love the words you've written here just as they are.
I live on five acres of land and share it generously with the wildlife that wanders through. I have to say from experience in watching them (deer,turkey)that they do indeed nonchalantly walk by unconcerned about their surroundings.
Anyway, I smiled as soon as I read it.
Thanks for visiting me and bringing me here.
Carletta’s Captures.
Hi All
Many thanks to everyone for your kind comments and suggestions - they are much appreciated. Carletta, it sounds as though you live in a beautiful place. The fox/s that I have written about are suburban as I live in the middle of a town. It seems to me of late that foxes are becoming much bolder; and indeed they will just stand their ground and stare back in curiosity at a human.
Best wishes, Frank…
Hello Frank,
Thank you for stopping by my blog and for your kind comment. I always need feedback to gauge how I am doing!
I love this poem of yours. Those little guys do get bold don't they? About two years ago a fox come up to our sliding glass door and took a good long curious look inside before trotting off. Something I won't soon forget! Your poem reminded me of that moment. Thanks!
Love all your haiga here!
Robin
I like seeing day foxes - it feels like a treat. Occasionally one slinks along the wall at the end of our garden.
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