twisting and turning... every so often the crackle of leaves
or
twisting and turning all night long...
the crackle of leaves
8 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I like the second version. "twisting and turning all night long..." may describe restless sleep and twistind and turning may belong to this restless sleep and the crackling leaves as well.
Both nice, but I like number two a little more, Frank. __To agree with Rudi, it seems to speak of a nights twists and turns and a loss of sleep. Twists and turns... as the wind in the leaves. _m
the 2nd version rings for me. What if you dropped the ... at the end of L2? Then you would have a pivot line which could be read as L1 & L2 and L2 & L3.
8 comments:
I like the second version.
"twisting and turning all night long..." may describe restless sleep and twistind and turning may belong to this restless sleep and the crackling leaves as well.
Best wishes
Rudi
I Love it, and
dry skin? sweety :)
I take the second haïku. Thanks.
Both nice, but I like number two a little more, Frank.
__To agree with Rudi, it seems to speak of a nights twists and turns and a loss of sleep. Twists and turns... as the wind in the leaves. _m
I like the "all night long" version.
Number two for me, Frank - A very nice haiku and one that sets a softer mood for this fall.
Warren
the 2nd version rings for me. What if you dropped the ... at the end of L2? Then you would have a pivot line which could be read as L1 & L2 and L2 & L3.
Adelaide
Thank you all for your kind comments. It is much appreciated...
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