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Tuesday, 14 May 2013

the bus door opens...
in floods the ozone
scent of new rain 
or
bus door opens...
in floods the scent
of new rain 

14 comments:

Lorraine said...

yuck ozone may the smell of rain always come on top, very nice Frank

Frank... said...

Thanks for stopping by Lorraine...

Adelaide said...

Go with the 2nd one. New rain smells sweet; skip the ozone.

Adelaide

Frank... said...

You're right Adelaide the 2nd version is better. Thanks for stopping by...

Magyar said...

Nice, Frank... both; I favor the more simplistic, option two.

Then, only to compliment Frank, the contrary, the work day ends:

bus door opens
out spills the day's scents
heading home

_m

Frank... said...

I like your poem very much. Thanks for stopping by Magyar...

Bill said...

Another vote for the second one.

Frank... said...

Thanks for stopping by Bill...

Lorraine said...

I like the OR better it smells much nicer :)

Frank... said...

Thanks for stopping by Lorraine. Yes, I too prefer the OR version...

Iris said...

Hi Frank
and we have beautiful sun here in Warsaw :)
But rain is also necessary sometimes
and haiku about rain, too.
For such an occasion I prefer the second one :)
Have a good week-end, best regards
Iris

Frank... said...

Thanks for stopping by. Have a good weekend, Iris...

Gillena Cox said...

i like the second one, just what is necessary, and still leaving room for the reader to supplement from his/her experiences


much love...

Frank... said...

Thanks for stopping by. Have a good weekend, Gillena...