Which "too" do you mean? If, as I suspect, it's the synonym with also, you need commas before and after: "my thoughts, too, drifting." Without the commas, you're saying your thoughts are drifitng excessively.
Or you could say "also." If you make that choice I'd suggest that for the sake of rhythm you turn "drifting" into "drift." "my thoughts also drift"
Thanks for looking in. Your thoughts/comments are always welcome.
Thanks also to Bill. Yes, you are correct my intention was to use the synonym with also. In haiku, most writers keep punctuation to minimum, and the way that I read the last line is to put a pause in naturally where you indicate with commas.
However, having said that, I rather like your suggestion of using, “also” instead of “too”. The rhythm is now better and the composition is tighter. Therefore, my haiga is amended accordingly. Thanks very much for your suggestions.
11 comments:
Contemplative one, Frank
and a cute picture to say that! :)
wishes,
devika
Oh Frank, it's soothing and beautiful :)
ohhh... i love this!
great photo, too... seems the aquatic birds are in fashion ;)
Really wonderful picture. I like the first two lines.
Best wishes
Ralf
this is lovely... well noticed!
Beautiful haiga Frank - and what a superb photo.
Thanks for looking in. Your thoughts/comments are always welcome...
An absolute gem Frank! Great photo too. I saw some Tufted ducks on an outing to Upton Warren recently, they are very impressive birds.
how true...
Which "too" do you mean? If, as I suspect, it's the synonym with also, you need commas before and after: "my thoughts, too, drifting." Without the commas, you're saying your thoughts are drifitng excessively.
Or you could say "also." If you make that choice I'd suggest that for the sake of rhythm you turn "drifting" into "drift." "my thoughts also drift"
Thanks for looking in. Your thoughts/comments are always welcome.
Thanks also to Bill. Yes, you are correct my intention was to use the synonym with also. In haiku, most writers keep punctuation to minimum, and the way that I read the last line is to put a pause in naturally where you indicate with commas.
However, having said that, I rather like your suggestion of using, “also” instead of “too”. The rhythm is now better and the composition is tighter. Therefore, my haiga is amended accordingly. Thanks very much for your suggestions.
All the best, Frank...
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